Writing the First Online Dating Email
Copyright ©2002 Saumya Mans
Whether it is real-world-dating or cyber-dating one of the greatest challenges in dating is, making a good first impression. We no longer live in small towns where you kept bumping into same old people again and again, and had plenty of chances to impress the person of your liking. In todayís fast life, and especially on the Internet, it matters a lot how you present yourself and highlight your presence because there are thousands of other vying for attention.
Making a good first impression is easier through an online dating interface, isnít it? Well, yes and no.
Itís easier to write words. You can always cut and paste them here and there. You can always edit them, delete them, replace them with better sounding synonyms, and decide not to convey them if you donít feel like. You can even indulge in poetry if you feel like.
You need not be a great writer but you can always come up with a convincing email by taking care of the following things:
(== Be Honest ==)
The trick to presenting yourself successfully hinges on highlighting who you really are. You are what you are, who you are - be that in your message. The more honest you are, the better you can write. But remember that your further interaction depends on how well you can introduce yourself without lying.
You may think just for now you can hide that you are out of shape, or bald, or you smoke, and leave these messy details for later, but itís always preferred that you present the true picture of yourself. You are prone to get hurt, and hurt the other person, if you think you can fake yourself into a relationship. And anyway, looks hardly matter if you really are a person of substance.
(== Be Concise ==)
The Internet is rampant with useless email messages, and we have all developed this unconscious habit of skimming through messages as fast as we can. So be concise. Use very simple, very few words. Be to the point - without sounding dull - and say what sums up you and your overall personality. In the first email, nobody is expecting a complete history of your existence.
(== Be Humorous ==)
But not at the expense of the reader. Besides, some people have a sense of humor, and some, sadly, donít.
Remember that the person who is reading your mail is not looking at your face, so even if you say something humouredly, it can be construed as an insult in the absence of your direct facial expression. Sarcasm, although funny, can be really dangerous if used in the email. So be humorous only if it comes naturally and without much effort.
You can check out this link to get into the flow: http://www.romancestuck.com/quotes/humorous-quotes.htm
(== Be Subjective ==)
Use a good subject for your email message because you are always competing with hundreds of other messages. Subjects like, "Looking for a dream date?" are big turn-offs because we daily get such emails from shady web sites.
The best shot is, use the personís name in the subject. Or else, use the handle with the reference to the site where you found it. The problem with handles is, we often forget them when we create our own handles. But, if suppose I named myself as BlackAngel at http://find-soulmate.com, Iíd be able to recall it if you write a subject such as, "BalckAngel, I found you at FIND-SOULMATE.COM."
(== Be Crafty ==)
Craft your message well in a word-processor before sending it. Your chances can be greatly spoiled if you have spelling and grammatical mistakes in your message. Another benefit of using a word-processor or a text-editor is that you donít click on the Send button by mistake and send a half-written, malformed message.
Crafting your message also helps you feel relaxed and think about what you actually want to write. What sort of a person he or she seems? What are you looking for? What are you NOT looking for? You can think of all these things when you write in a word-processor instead of the email-editor.
Make a list of all the important points you want to stress upon, eliminate a few you can do without and then weave your message around the remaining ones.
(== Be Interested ==)
We love to talk about the stuff we like, donít we? Is that person interested in horse-riding? Is he or she into reading and writing literature? Anything else? Try to talk about it, for instance:
I loved going through your profile, especially the part where you described your passion for making and flying kites. Although I cannot make kites myself, Iíve always enjoyed holding the string of a kite whizzing through the sky above my head...so on."
(== Be Universal ==)
If your prospective date does not belong to your country, avoid using local jargons. Although it was not a love letter, I remember once I used a "pleasant" expression that my German friend, politely told me, was vulgar in her country. So while writing to people from another country, use as much generic language as you can.
All the best. If you need some usable online dating advise, you can subscribe to FIND A SOULMATE EZINE by sending a blank email at fsme-subscribe@t....
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