Preparing for a Relationship
Copyright © 2001 Saumya Mams
Seriously, I believe in the divinity of love. I believe that the string of our life is controlled by some cosmic energy. The same cosmic energy brings people close to us, and the same energy makes them go away.
But in the hectic alleys of everyday life (and a couple of terrorist attacks here and there), who gets the time to think of divine things when it comes to looking for a relationship? We are constantly bombarded with work related stress, the inherent insecurities and suspicions, lack of confidence, fear of rejection, etc. These negative forces are always stopping us from opening up to new avenues of romance, love and a lifelong commitment. In some cultures, this commitment transcends the boundaries of birth and death.
I also believe that a romantic relationship is like an exotic plant. You can't just leave it in the wilderness and hope that the sun and the rain will make it grow. Not at all. You have to nurture it. At proper times you have to shift it from sun to shadow and from shadow to sun. You have to water it with careful quantification. You have to add proper amount of suitable manure and then occasionally tend to the soil. You have to keep the roots, the branches, the stem and the leaves free from pests. Some radical thinkers say you must talk to your plant and sing to it.
These are the demands of a fruitful, long-lasting relationship, and it has to come from both the partners.
If you have decided to commit yourself to a meaningful relationship, you have to take care of a few of the following things:
1. Be clear about your thoughts. Are you really ready for a relationship? Take care that such scruples can always hamper your progress or initiation. Sometimes you have to plunge first and then ponder whether there is enough water in the pool.
2. Decide what sort of person you are looking for. We must accept that there are some qualities in people that we really hate and there are some qualities we really love. Be ruthless. Make a list of things you want in a person. It sometimes happens that you discover some unpalatable traits after falling head over heals in love, and then you have to decide accordingly.
3. Get rid of your fears about how you look. You are what you are. Concentrate on your qualities. Someone has said it very well, "If you want someone to love you, deserve it." Although this world is unfair, old adages hold true most of the times.
4. Don't make your quest for love a matter of life and death. A romantic relationship is important, but it is not the most important thing in life. Carry on with your normal life and don't feel sad about not having someone in life. Sometimes there are hundreds of things in life that are far more important than a romantic relationship.
5. If you take drastic steps, they overshadow your natural flair, and make you look affected. Be yourself, and believe in the fact that if a person has to fall in love with you, he/she has to fall in love with YOU, not with the artificial personality you are carrying around. Live in the real world and you'll get a real love.
6. Expand your social life. Be a bit more known to other people. The more people you come across, the more is the chance of bumping into the "right one". Again, don't go to extra lengths to be social. Flow with the tide, keep yourself relaxed, but take care you don't drown or are not swept away.
7. Be helpful and be good - not just for the sake of it. Good things happen to good people.
I have crossed my word-limit. So I'll be writing a few more points in the next article.
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