How to Find a Long-term Relationship

Strategies for Dating

Many singles pursue relationship coaching to learn dating strategies and receive the guidance they need to be successful. Here, I will share my list of ten strategies for successful dating.

You may find these strategies old-fashioned or counterintuitive. But they work.

If you date in order to find a long-term relationship, these strategies will help you meet the love of your life and settle down into a long-term, satisfying relationship.

If you are already in a relationship, many of these strategies can put a spark back into your relationship.

Here are my ten strategies for successful dating:

1. If you are a woman who generally pursues men first, stop and allow men to pursue you. If you are a man who waits for women to ask you out, take the first step and ask them out instead. A woman pursuing a man sets up an uncomfortable power dynamic that is difficult to change later.

2. Stay away from verbal foreplay early on in the relationship. Engage in sexual-type talk only after you know each other well, at least a few months into the relationship. These types of conversations can become the central focus of your interactions, making it harder to experience other parts of your relationship.

3. Don't have a sexual relationship until you are committed to and love each other. This may seem old fashioned; however, relationships are partnerships. Although sexuality is a part of a relationship, it is not a good foundation on which to build a relationship. If you build your relationship on sex, it will most likely fall like a house of cards.

4. Limit your time together in the beginning. See or be on the phone with each other in moderation. How is a house built? Brick by brick. How have you developed friendships? Over time. Does an intimate relationship deserve any less?

5. Spend more time courting in person rather than by email or phone. Electronic communication has an aspect of anonymity and safety. It allows for a false sense of closeness. If this is your primary mode of communication, you may feel awkward with each other in person.

6. Be yourself at all times in the dating process. Doing so allows both of you to clearly see if the relationship will work. If you are compatible, you will discover more things to like about each other. If you are not compatible, you will be able to find out sooner rather than later.

7. Be clear from the start about how you want and don't want to be treated. It is better to know how your new partner responds to your boundaries and standards.

8. Be aware of who your new partner is. At the same time, don't automatically assume he will disappoint you in the same ways you have been disappointed before. Give him a chance to treat you well rather than testing to see if he will cause you pain.

9. Accept your new partner as she is or don't engage in the relationship. If her behavior bothers you but doesn't bother her, you can be sure that this behavior will continue. Accept how your new partner is now, rather than hoping for change, or get out.

10. Enjoy. Have fun. Connect. Learn. Dating is wonderful. It's a chance to meet new and interesting people and do fun activities. It's an opportunity for growth. If you do it gently, without jeopardizing your emotional well-being, it will add sparkle to your life.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries 

(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2001. This article was originally published by Rinatta Paries in the Relationship Coach Newsletter, one of many relationship resources found at  Other highlights include relationship advice, quizzes, relationship coaching and classes. Become a True Love Magnet(TM)!



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